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At 18, I disclosed to a friend of mine about my childhood sexual abuse and about my pedophilia, all in the same conversation. Nothing can cure it. He could do these pitch-perfect character voices, and in that way, he was charismatic and appealing to children. Then, in my 8th grade year, a few months before my 14th birthday, something changed. Surely prison awaited me some day. I was going to break the mold. As an aside, how strange is it that my sexual attraction to children just happens to be only to children who are in the age range where my own childhood sexual trauma took place? Uncle Doug did not hurt me physically, but he laid the groundwork for who and what I would become with men throughout my adolescence and into my early adulthood — a wreckage of fondled girlhood looking out a dark window whenever a man was on top of me. That it could cure my pedophilia.
Surely everyone who had these types of thoughts and attractions acted on them eventually, right? If only there had been a Virped when I was younger man. In closing, I want to say this. I remember sitting in a fetal position with the phone to my ear, tearing at my hair and sobbing while I told him everything. At the time, I still figured probably everyone else on the planet who was afflicted with the types of attractions I had must act on them. It will torment me until the day I die. And then my sister went to bed, and I sat in his small, dimly lit kitchen, on his lap, as he nuzzled my hair and then my ear and neck, and squeezed me hard and soft at the same time. Sometimes to fantasies of pretty girls at school. He convinced me to come to his house that night and sleep over to keep me safe. Jan 18, I Am Brett. I visited the therapist he hooked me up with for about a year and a half. In fact, they tend to get really fucking pissed. The werewolf would howl, he said, his thirst for the blood of children relentless, until one night he came charging through a window of a house trying to catch the little girl inside. I had decided to kill myself that night and I intended to. I wish I could go back in time and tell the 15 year old me that this community would exist someday, and that he was not alone in the world. The reason is because it happened to me. Once they are pubescent, any and all attraction disappears. What had I become? I will say that I was never the victim of an adult pedophile offender though. We all know you can not cure pedophilia. Better late than never. In rare cases, children of either sex as young as six may trigger an attraction but never younger than that. There is no hope. I Am A Pedophile. Because of a lot of the things that had gone on, I spent my preteen years obsessed with sex and pornography, and the sexual frustration, confusion, and shame this created ate at me. Doug, like most abusers, relied on me not telling. Unfortunately, the only way to remove it from the brain is to put a gun in your mouth and pull the fucking trigger.
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